she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was like eating out sand paper
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
