Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
