there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
