he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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