is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
