Please, let me fuck your mom
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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