i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
