Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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