what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
