Apparently you make a good broom.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
