She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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