i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
