I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
