Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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