This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
