I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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