shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
