Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
