I want you more than these girls want KFC
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
