Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
