I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
