If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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