i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
