she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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