Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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