if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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