I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
