I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
