I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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