After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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