we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
