Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
