everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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