I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
