Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
