I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
