It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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