OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
