I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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