I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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