i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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