Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
