he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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