Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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