Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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