I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
should my penis look like a turkey
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
