No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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