the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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