I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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