What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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