Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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