6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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