What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
